Dimestore Romance

Pimsleur? More like Pimpsleur…

By Belynda, September 27th, 2009 in Other

I’ve been watching InuYasha lately. Actually, I’ve been watching a lot of InuYasha. More than I should be comfortable fessing up to in a public forum. Because of this recent revival in my love of Japanese animation, I’ve also experienced a revival in my love of - and desire to learn - the Japanese language.

I know, I know. Stupid gaijin wants to learn to speak funny, hectic language way beyond her ken. Then she’ll go to Japan and get VERY politely laughed at by every native speaker she comes into contact with. I don’t care. When have I ever cared about looking stupid? I have my Ph.D. in looking stupid.

I decided to use my drive to work to listen to the Pimsleur Intro to Conversation Japanese CD course. It’s only 4 hours long, so it’s more an appetizer of the language basics just to get you interested (and let’s face it, to get you to buy more shit.) Apparently, the Pimsleur course is the one used by government officials who need high-speed immersion.

I never realized by “high-speed immersion” they actually meant “language basics to get laid.”

The course starts out innocently enough. I can now say “It’s nice weather, isn’t it?” and read it in butchered Romaji (E-otenki desu, ne?) I can also say that I am American (Watashi wa Amerika-jin desu!) and tell you the obvious, that I speak a little Japanese, but I’m not very good yet. (Watashi wa nihongo ga skoshi hanashimasu, demo mada jozuo ja arimasen.) This sounds WAY more impressive when I babble it out loud.

This is where we get into the seedier aspects of the Pimsleur Method. After the self-deprecating niceties of Volume I, the second half of the course focuses primarily with getting your newfound friend drunk and getting them back to your place (For cake, right??)

Are you going to have something to drink? (Nani ka nomimasu ka?)

At my place. (Watashi no dokoro desu) or at your place? (Anata no dokoro desu ka?)

So now I can effectively proposition the opposite sex in Japanese. This will come in handy, since if I’m running off to Japan to have an affair (why do that when there are perfectly good prospects in Tampa!) I won’t really have much to say beyond telling them that I can’t scream affirmations of their prowess in their native tongue, as Watashi jozuo ja arimasen at nihongo ga yet… I mean.. madda.