By Belynda, December 23rd, 2009 in Other | No Comments
Tags: Bloggening, Donna Reed, little victories, NYR Challenge
So… yesterday I did a trial run of this little housework resolution of mine, to see how much I could actually get done in an hour. Would there be a visible dent in my crud factor? Would that geiger counter we bought stop shrieking in horror every time we pointed it at the fridge? Most importantly, would the cats notice any change in household quality?
I decided to do a trial run. I did as much as I could in an hour, without breaking my ass, but while trying to successfully multitask. I started by bagging up some laundry (three loads to be exact) and taking it down to throw in.
Ten minutes* to do this. Okay. That’s a dent.
I scooped the kitty boxes, and fed them. Five minutes, if you count the minute shooshing them out of my way to get to the food dishes in the midst of their gastronomical excitement. I emptied the trash, kitchen and bathroom, and ran it downstairs to the bins. Ten minutes more. Minor successes abound! I decided while killing time waiting to flip the clothes, I’d empty the dishwasher.
Thirty minutes later, dishes are put away, sink is emptied and cleaned down, countertops are wiped down, a few stray objects are put away, and the glass cooktop (a housewife’s arch-rival if ever there was one) is scrubbed and looking less like the black blob that ate Tasha Yar in Star Trek: TNG.
I flipped the clothes into the dryer, went to get dinner with Eddie, and then folded and trundled the clothes back upstairs. This took another 30 minutes total. I also took a few minutes to wrestle errant ribbon away from both cats, and spent a few minutes hunting for other ribbons they hadn’t yet eaten. I booked five minutes for this. Say what you will about this.
I set out to spend sixty minutes cleaning my house, and ended up with half-again the progress. Better yet, it actually LOOKED like I had done something! I had a clean kitchen! Clean enough that Eddie made sure it stayed that way when he baked cookies tonight.
If this is what my most recent New Year’s Resolution challenge will yield? Bring on the excellence. Sorry Former President Zipperhead… you’re going to have to find your fifty quid somewhere else.
* It is important to note that I only count time spent doing laundry when I am ACTUALLY HANDLING the laundry. Gathering, sorting, throwing in, flipping into the dryer, folding, putting away… None of this “throw it in the wash and dry and call it an hour and a half” bullshit. That’s Peg Bundy math.
By Belynda, December 21st, 2009 in Other | 5 Comments
Tags: Blogenning, George Bush is a dungball, high-stakes cleaning, housework, laziness, New Years Resolutions
First of all, let’s just get this out of the way…
OH MY GOD HOLY SHIT YOU POSTED ON YOUR BLOG WE THOUGHT YOU WERE DEAD AND WE WERE JUST WAITIN FER UR DOMAIN REGGY TO EXPIRE SO WE COULD ST33L UR AWSUM URL!!1One
Okay, with that done. Hello! I know. It’s been like a month or more. It’s been busy around here lately. But that’s a story for another post (or three.. since the Bloggening just started back up again and I’m already four posts behind. Damn you, Ian and Tom.)
Now for a word from your sponsors…
I am a slob. Actually, saying I’m a slob is like saying the second term of the Bush Administration was kind of a lame party. I cringe at the thought of pop-ins, I am comfortable with a level of “artistic disarray” that would make Martha Stewart loose her bowels into her neatly ironed chinos. I am… Godzillaslob. The best evidence of this came this Thanksgiving. We cleaned the house neat as a pin in anticipation of dinner at our house. The place was stunningly clean. Unaccustomed to such conditions, our two cats wandered the house crying mournfully and refusing to cuddle with us until the place regained its usual patina of hapless clutter.
To be fair, I’m a busy girl. Anyone who knows me personally will agree that I take on WAY too much. This year, in addition to work, I took three classes, wrote the first 50,000 words of a novel, and joined a Christmas choir group. Holy. Crap. How much laundry got done in this house? I bet you can guess.
At the beginning of this year, I made the New Year’s resolution to read/listen to a book a week for the entire year. It was more than I’d read in years, but I thought it was an attainable goal, so I blogged about it and started a Goodreads account to chart my progress. I’m happy to report that as of today, not only have I completed my fifty-two book spree, I’m actually working on books fifty-three and fifty-four at the moment.
With my first “NYR Challenge” out of the way, I thought perhaps my love of self-competition could cure my vile hatred of housework. Maybe, if I came up with a NEW New Year’s Resolution Challenge TM I would keep my house clean, my clothes laundered, and my sanity intact.
And here you have it: The “Enemy of the (Feminist) State” Homemaker New Year’s Challenge.
I hereby challenge myself in this public forum to commit to one hour of housework… every day…. FOR A YEAR.
Oh. Shit.
Here are the rules, both to keep me honest, and in case any of my six or seven dedicated readers would like to follow along at home:
1. The victim… um.. competitor… uhh… Sexy Domestic Goddess (YES! That works) will commit to one hour of housekeeping per day for the period January 1, 2010 to December 31, 2010.
2. The SDG will record said housework (basic description of housekeeping prowess and time) on a blog, Facebook, Twitter or other place fit for public scrutiny.
3. If an hour of housework is missed, it must be made up later within the same week. *Yes, this will occasionally mean seven miserable hours of solid housekeeping on a Sunday, as punishment for six previous days of doing f#%k all and stoning out on Warcraft.
4. Hours may be banked within the same week. If the SDG does two hours of work on Monday, she may sit on her ass without shame on Tuesday. Bon Bons optional.
5. Banked hours will disappear on the Monday after a given week. Put those Bon Bons to good use, girls.
Here is the part that will basically ensure that I keep my house as neat as a pin for the next 365 days.
6. If the SDG fails in this attempt to bring domestic order to her humble abode, the sting of failure will be felt in the form of $50 of her hard earned cash going to a cause she f#%king despises.
My anti-charity? As if it would be anything else…
The George W. Bush Presidential Center
As if that alone were not sufficient reason to keep to this resolution, here’s a little added incentive culled from the donation page of the site:
“With your tax-deductible contribution, you will take your place as one of the first to stand with President and Mrs. Bush as a Charter Member of the George W. Bush Presidential Center. When you contribute $50 or more, your name will also be included in the Freedom Registry on permanent display at the Center.”
Think of it: My name, forever scrawled in the pages of an unholy guestbook, alongside names of people who actually LIKE that guy.
I don’t think anyone reading this wants to see me fail this thing now.
