Archive for October, 2011

While the Mice are Away…

We went to a movie tonight. Fortunately, Jaws kept herself entertained during our absence.

I’d like to point out that I had put this yarn away. I mean, I didn’t freeze it in carbonite, but out of sight out of mind, right? Well… see for yourself.

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We begin our tour at the coffee table. It’s a storage coffee table. Unfortunately, I thought it was secure. It was not secure. In a former life, this was a skein of really nice Cascade Yarn Co. “Indulge” in a pretty green. It was a lovely mix of 70% alpaca, 30% angora. Now, it’s a mess.

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Slightly to the left of the coffee table, we find our first satellite of yarn. Over the carpet and through the wheels. We’re not going to Grandmother’s house though. We’re going to a place where, after four hours of impotent untangling, we’ll use the bezoar of yarn to dry our bitter tears.

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After decorating the Casa Cianci headquarters of industry (it’s not all porn. Ed actually does write code at that desk) we move on to the Kitty National Monument. You see a tourist in the background, assessing the success of the mission. That’s Indiana - the one still in the will. She doesn’t do stuff like this. Let’s be realistic, most of the time, you throw her a toy and she drags herself towards it without actually getting up and walking. She doesn’t have the ambition for a caper of this scope.

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Next it’s off to restaurant row, a place where all of your champagne dreams and caviar wishes go to die. If you want hot dogs or $50-a-bag veterinary-supplied kibble, we’ve got you covered. Notice that the yarn here is not simply strewn about; the yarn is actually wrapped around the legs of not one but TWO chairs. It’s almost as if the artist were trying to convey something. Perhaps a commentary on the dichotomy between the table that unites us spiritually and condemns us physically to awkward conversation and plate-scratching noises. It could also be she just likes hucking herself over the chair leg supports.

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From here we remain in the kitchen, but move on to highlighting the inviting space of the open-concept kitchen. Having done this, we continue on…

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We end the tour back at the bound chair rails, evocative of the continual return to the communal table, regardless of the strictures and conventional obstacles this setting engenders. Maybe we were just going for the water dish (slightly out of frame at the top). Both cats enjoy a rousing game of “Put Useless Things in Water.” I made them a knitted catnip ball not too long ago. Five minutes, and into the dunk tank it went. First and last knitted cat toy of their extremely overprivileged lives.

It is of interest that, while typing this, we heard a large clack that turned out to be Jaws once again venturing into the coffee table storage.

It never ends.

Skill Sets

My mother-in-law Toni often reminds me to look at the bigger picture. She reminds me that everyone comes to this world equipped with a different set of tools, and can take on different things.

Gender roles seem to be the theme of the day. Earlier I had a conversation with a co-worker about different religious traditions and their view of the woman as submissive to her husband, and the dichotomy between that and the modern cultural norm of women getting all the shit done. (No offense gentlemen. Look to your own lives. You know it to be true.)

Tonight, I was again reminded of our respective roles and those skill sets.

Eddie pitched in on some long overdue housework (OSHA hazard ratings level. Honestly). He bagged up the trash, I grabbed some laundry, and we headed to sorta-scary basement to get shit done.*

Eddie, holding the fabric softener:  What do I do? Just put some in?”

Me: Yep. (Points to small receptacle for softener) Just fill that up.

Ed: POUR IT ALL OVER THE FRONT OF THE WASHING MACHINE LIKE CHOCOLATE SAUCE?!?! OKAYYYY!!!!!

(He didn’t actually say this. The result was the same.)

I do mean ALL over the washing machine… like… in the door.. over the front of the door… on the floor…. under the machine……..

…….in the teeny tiny cracks that no towel can ever reach.

Ever.

Avocado one-upmanship: Achievement unlocked. I also had the best laugh of my whole sick-ass worked-anyway Monday from hell.

I love being married ;)

*In the interest of full disclosure, he was trying to be nice to his girl because A) she is sick as a fucking dog - and it’s his fault, and B) he did the grocery run for tacos (to be nice to aforementioned sick girl) and came home with avocados that could have been used to hammer horseshoes. Sick girl has no patience, and flipped her shit about the avocados. Undaunted by his histrionic wife, he soldiered on. God love him.

About the author

I’m a writer, artist and degenerate internet addict. I have a day job only to keep the lights on and the internet working. I’m not always PG, but I’m always A+ (not to mention humble.) Please do not try to make me think before coffee. It will only end in tears.

Read more » about Belynda

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