The Good Life
“And think not you can direct the course of love, for love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.” - Kahlil Gibran, “The Prophet”
Eddie and I were talking tonight, and we started talking about how marrying someone is choosing that person to be your family (in the wake of a fun-filled day of Nelson family antics). If you do it right, you’re choosing that person forever. As Ani Difranco says “And when we signed up for forever, we had no idea it was in years.”
It made me think of Nonna and Papa, Ed’s late grandparents. If I could have any kind of marriage, it would be modeled after theirs. They met young, married young, and had a child that was the sun and the moon to them. They were blessed with a wonderful daughter-in-law (now my wonderful mother-in-law), and two grandsons whom never failed to make them proud. In return, they never failed to let them know. They celebrated a golden wedding anniversary, and even in the twilight of their lives, still held in their hearts the one person who was their True North- Papa used to talk to Nonna in his sleep after she’d passed on. They will forever be carried in my heart as the quintessential “little old Italian married couple.” I am lucky enough to have had their example. I now wear Nonna’s engagement ring, which every day is a reminder of what we are working to build. If I could have a marriage like that, with three generations of love, a lifetime partner at my side, and a proud legacy to leave to my grandchildren, that would the one for me.
That is not to say they never had a fight, that they never said unkind words or went to bed angry. It’s not to say there weren’t days where they probably looked over their coffee cup at the family they chose, and gave solid consideration to running for the hills. Those aren’t things the grandkids ever hear about of course, and I’m sure there are things that never left the walls of Hancock Street. That’s the reality of the bond, though. Real marriages don’t come without the bumps and bruises. Those bumps and bruises are the balance by which to judge the times of love and harmony. They’re the barometer you use to measure what gives your life value, and lets you know that what you’re getting out is worth all that you’ve put in. Gibran didn’t write “When love beckons to you, follow him, because it’s going to be a breeze.” Nothing worth having ever is.
I’m happy to say that Ed and I have been blessed with mostly smooth sailing the past nine years (two of those as man and wife). I’ve written about the “small moments” in the day before, and how important they are. We crack each other up, listen to each other’s “bad day at the office” stories, get each other asprin and water when a headache comes on. We cut each other slack, and have a hard time saying no to the other (see Kittens and new Palm phones for further details). We’re off to a good start.
So even with bumps and bruises, the late nights and hard moments, I would still wish for a marriage like Nonna and Papa’s. They left behind something that most of us, especially in our youth, simply cannot comprehend. The trick is realizing it as your living it, and striving every day to make something worthy, something that your grandchildren will aspire to.
