Message in a Bottle
This week, Brandon decided to take us all for a trip in the time machine. This is going to be a tricky one. You would think someone like me, who has consumed untold hundreds of hours of sci-fi, would laugh in the face of paradoxes - but you’d be wrong. A paradox is serious fucking trouble. Just ask Captain Janeway. You don’t want to be messing around with that kind of thing, only to end up having to shoot your eight-year-old self in the ass with a tranquilizer dart just so you can get out of there without blowing your own mind. See? Trouble.
Despite the perilous nature of the assignment, I’m going to take a crack at it. Just please, someone come and kick the record player if I get stuck in a temporal scratch whilst fiddling around with things I shouldn’t.
Take a seat for this one. It’s me- which is to say, it’s you.
I wish I could tell you I was writing this from my manse in the hills of France. Actually, no, I don’t. The french are still grumpy assholes, even ten years in the future. That’s not actually giving away plot details, so I’m sure the timeline is still intact. The good news? I’m not writing it from a gutter or a Singaporean prison cell, so there’s that.
I envy you in many ways. You are reading this while dangling your feet over the precipice, at the point where every important change in our life will occur (at least the ones I know about so far. I haven’t gotten one of these missives from 40-year-old me. She’s probably too busy to pick up a pen. That’s family for you). You don’t know how hard it’s going to be at times. Do yourself a favor: Enjoy the not knowing for a while. You’ll get to it soon enough. Also, don’t stress about school. You’ll get there. You’re even going to surprise yourself.
I can’t tell you what’s going to happen outright obviously, for reasons of temporal cohesion and because people who spoil the plot deserve a kick in the nuts. I can tell you some things that (hopefully) won’t mulch the timestream:
First off, don’t worry about that pack of assholes at your temp job. It’s perfectly okay to think they’re assholes, because they are. Fashion is never going to be your thing, so don’t sweat it. I can tell you, you’re going to have next Tuesday off. It’s going to be a shit day, and you’re not going to get much done. Go home and hang out with Dad.
The next year is going to bring a lot of change. I wish I could tell you what you need to know to be ready for it, but in truth, what I know now wouldn’t really help you then anyway. It’s like our 4H days: you gotta learn by doing. In this case, you just have to learn by living. Sorry, I know that’s useless crap, whether it’s the truth or not.
You’re going to run into a lot of people, and some of them are going to upset the hell out of you. Some of them you already know, some you haven’t met yet. Trust your gut. You’d be surprised if you could peek at the landscape now. I’m still surprised by it sometimes, and I’m the one standing on this end of it.
While still on the subject of people, remember, even the people who fundamentally upset you, break your heart, break your trust… they’re in your life to teach you lessons. Sometimes those lessons are miserable and painful, and you’ll end up violently hating those involved for quite a while. You are capable of great extremes of emotion. Be careful with that. We both know, your temper is basically a nuclear reactor in a coffee can. Remember, in a purely existential sense, they weren’t put in your path to hurt you, and it’s not your job to hurt them back. Actually, maybe it’s better to think that they were put in your path to hurt you in the way you needed to be hurt. Whether you realize it or not, they were holding up a mirror for you, and it’s your job to see what it’s showing you. You won’t see it if you don’t know to look. You won’t like everything you see, and that’s okay. That’s part of the point of it.
You’re probably not going to understand that last bit for quite a while. I’m still figuring it out now. It’s a shit process, and you’re just going to have to trust me. Buckle the chinstrap and get on with it.
I’m not giving anything away by telling you, there is heartbreak ahead for you. Some things you’re already aware of, and a few you couldn’t guess if you tried. I can’t tell you the last ten years have been easy. Easy is a word I don’t know much about. I can only tell you they have been worth it. Even in the moments of your most painful uncertainty and unhappiness, you’ll at least know that you are deeply and unconditionally loved. Cling to that, and you’re going to be okay. You will be faced with some of the darkest moments of your life, but you will do so armed with all the light you could ever need. You have a great family, and some amazing friends. Let them take care of you.
Listen to Toni. Honest to God, that woman is going to save your life as I know it.
Come to think of it…fuck temporal cohesion. You marry Eddie, and it’s the best thing that ever happens to us.
Good luck!
P.S. Buy stock in Apple.
